BODY, No

Age Unknown--It is with an indeterminate amount of sadness today that we announce the passing of nobody. While almost certainly Nobody had a name, no record could be found of it. Nobody accomplished nothing in his life. Professionally, his name appears on no published documents, replaced by more important individuals who read his work, possibly. Nobody, while determined to be of above-average intelligence, has no educational records, as all the schools Nobody attended no longer exist. Nobody can, however, claim the honour of having been called an idiot in at least nine languages.

Nobody had no athletic ability at all, and was unable to locate a single geocache in his single short-lived hobby. Nobody was unable to ever ask out a woman, and, in fact, was lucky to even be able to dial a phone. As such, Nobody has no family outside of his extended family, who would rather not acknowledge Nobody's existence. Nobody died of a self-inflicted blow to the head believed to be a combination of blood-alcohol content, abnormal temperatures, and the constant pacing of Nobody's upstairs neighbours. Nobody is survived by nobody. Donations may be made to the Conservative Party of Canada since Nobody could care less.